Feeling Sideways

by Frank Dobner

Maybe you have also had the experience of having a day, when for no apparent reason, there is nothing you can do to change the way you feel. You woke up just feeling “sideways.” You even get heroic and start going through the motions….take a shower, go for a walk, exercise, brush your teeth…but nothing can get your heart purring.

I had a day like this on Thursday this week. I actually had a good day on Wednesday. I had a pleasant noontime business meeting on Wednesday and the usually good discussion at my A Course in Miracles (The Course) group on Wednesday evening. And then, for whatever reason…..Thursday morning I woke up feeling like the farmer guy in the beginning of the movie Men in Black that is killed by the alien and get his body used as a human costume……”more sugar!”

Then I was reading in The Course that when you are in the process of “the undoing,” that this is a phase of great unease. When I face these final disappointments, built upon a life time of learning to cope with fears and conflicts that just don’t work anymore, I am left with suffering. Unconscious living can kill you. Thursday was sort of like a lot of broken pieces sort of getting caught in the gears. Nothing made sense because I had dislodged a bunch of stuff and it was still floating around in the newer machine that is replacing it.

I am reading this book now called Take Me To Truth by Nouk Sanchez and Tomas Vieira. In this book there is a good quote in here:

“A word of caution: Many if not most, spiritual seekers and teachers have not yet taken the first step. They have, perhaps, accumulated an astonishing amount of spiritual knowledge, however their egos are still intact…..taking the first step initiates the unlearning and undoing of the ego. The method is to peel away the layers of self deception, eventually revealing the truth of who your are.”

In fact, although I have been studying this stuff for many years now, I can see where I am still wrapped in bullshit.

Sanchez and Tomas give a really good little procedure on how to catch yourself the next time:

1. Observe – your reactive thoughts and feelings without responding to anyone

2. Accept What Is – see what the real issue is. Just look at it without judging it. Is the real issue yours or God’s or someone else’s?

3. Take Care of Business – whoever’s issue this is, let them take care of it. If someone is giving you a rough time, that is not your business…..that is their business. You just watch your own reaction, always.

When you do this, you can avoid a lot of your own BS. The most important thing to remember is that you are responsible for your thoughts and resulting actions. That does not mean blame. As you are innocent and guiltless, there is no wrong or right. The thoughts you have are the biggest leverage you can have on your life. Bar none!

By the way, I will do my best to follow my own advice.